What would the Akatsuki never say?

Kakuzu: Watch me, Jashin-sama!

Hidan: Look; let's just settle this peacefully.. I've never liked fighting it out. They call me "Hidan the pacifist", you know?

Tobi: This, sempai.. this is TRUE ART!

Pein: Yes, in fact.. Rokudou Mukoru is my long lost twin brother.

Konan: Get your a*s here, Pein! You orange-haired bit*h!

Itachi: Sasuke, my foolish little brother.. there is no Hatake Kakashi. He is merely an impostor, a fictional character created through your delusions. The Kakashi you know and love is... ME!!!

Uchiha Madara: Whether you believe me or not is up to you, Sasuke. But this is the truth about the Uchiha clan. From the dawn of time, Uchiha were hunted down as ingredients used to make toothpaste. The reason the Uchiha compound was apart from the rest of the village.. that's because the Uchiha compound is an enlarged toothpaste factory. You, Sasuke, is the true successor and representative of the Uchiha clan. Your real name is Uchiha Fluoride Sasuke. The one responsible for the massacre of the Uchiha is none other than Uzumaki Narutard. Your brother was trying to warn you with his attempts to rip out your eyes. I'm surprised you didn't realize it with your amazing skills. In any case, you must stop Narutard's evil plans! The fate of the world lies in your hands... Uchiha Fluoride!

Kisame: Hey, do we have any shark around here? I'm hungry!

Deidara: Art is everlasting, un. It cannot be destroyed if it is true art!

Tobi: Listen and listen good, you fools. This was all an act. I'm not Uchiha Madara, Obito, or TOBI. I AM UCHIHA FUGAKU, BACK FROM THE BLASTED DEAD! I'VE COME TO AVENGE MYSELF! I WILL KILL MY ELDEST SON!

Itachi: Sasuke... I'VE COME TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD! *bares fangs*

Konan: Hay, Pein-chan~! What are we doin' today~? I think we should play together, hmmm~?

Hidan: I'm actually Christian.

Sasori: Deidara, I just totally chipped a nail! I am so, screwed!

Kakuzu: ..Hidan? How much was this guy worth?

Tobi: If we go to one more goddamn petting zoo, I'm going to kill someone!

Oi, anikoku, explain to me how the Kakuzu one is something he'd never say. I'd think he'd WANT to know if the person that Hidan sacrificed was worth anything, unless I'm not getting what you mean.

Sasori: I'm giving up puppetry, because it wastes trees, and I'm become a vegan hippie. Goodbye, my comrades. Peace out. Try not to kill anything, cause everythings gotta soul, no matter how small.


Tobi: So, if you divided this by the square root of 285,376,146, you would get this plus 26 and then multiplied by pi. Get it, Hidan-san?

Hidan: Kakuzu, where do you suppose we should save this money? After all, we can't go around spending it. This money is important, and you know it. Don't give me that Jashin crap. I WANT MY MONEY TO BE SAFE.

Fai_re wrote:

Oi, anikoku, explain to me how the Kakuzu one is something he'd never say. I'd think he'd WANT to know if the person that Hidan sacrificed was worth anything, unless I'm not getting what you mean.

Are you kidding me? Kakuzu would NEVER EVER forget what anybody was worth. He's got all the bingo books in his head, pockets, and sock drawers.

BTW, your last Hidan one sounded like Kakuzu.

Itachi: Yes.. hurt me more! Stab me! Step on me! Kick me! Let me grovel beneath your feet!

Pein: Piercings are so.. unrefined. The new black are tattoos!

Hidan: My past has been complete darkness... my future shall be complete darkness... I realize that I'm just a psychotic killer. And because of that, Temari hates me! Even now, all she want to do is kill me. Everyone thinks I'm an annoying cruel-hearted idiot, and I would be better off if I didn't exist..

OOOOOOOOOOH. I GET IT, LOL! I didn't understand what you meant, for some reason. *is stupid*

(That was the point. Kufun~)

Deidara: I think it's time that I turned over a new leaf! I'm gonna go and dye my hair black, start reaching toward a professional career in singing under the name of Takoyaki, leave my art and my old life behind, AND STOP SAYING "UN" AFTER EVERY OTHER GODDAMN SENTENCE! I'M SO TIRED OF DOING THAT!

(Sorry that's all I got. I need to go bawl my eyes out now! *goes off and cries tears of joy*)

Itachi: It be time I get a haircut! *lobs off hair*

Sasori: I LOVE SAKURA! I'm gonna go marry her!
(I hate that stupid paring!)

Pein/Konan/Itachi/Kisame/Deidara/Sasori/Tobi/Hidan/Kakuzu/Zetsu: BELIEVE IT!

Hidan: I can't stand Jashinists! They should all go f*** off and die!

Kakuzu: I'm broke! Isn't it so nice being FREE?!

Tobi: Sasuke! I AM YOUR FATHER!!!!!!!

Quote :

Pein/Konan/Itachi/Kisame/Deidara/Sasori/Tobi/Hidan/Kakuzu/Zetsu: BELIEVE IT!

GOOD LORD, THE DUB HURTS! *writhes in pain*

Doesn't it?!?! Ugh! TT_TT
And it's not even right!

INOE, RIGHT? *DISTRESS*

SO. Whut if...

Deidara: *has an operation to cover up/remove the mouths*

Itachi: I'M GOING TO GO STEAL KAKASHI'S SHARINGAN, DAMMIT! SASUKE'S TAKING TOO LONG! HE'S SUCK SUCH A FOOLISH LITTLE BROTHA.

Zetsu: I'm sick of eating meat day in and day out... how about some veggies?

Kakuzu: Hidan-chaaaan~ I want some fooood~ Will you buy some for meeee?~

*shudders* Why did I write all of those things??!

actually...you never know what Kakuzu will do/say to get a free meal...

OMG UR RIGHT!

Well... Here are some that are (hopefully) not too lame!

EVERYONE/ANYONE: DAAAAAAAAAAAAATTEBAYOOOOO~~~!!

(LOL I STEELED SUMTHIN FRUM YOU, KISAME-SAN!)

Sasori(no danna): ZOMG THE ENDING OF AVATAR WAS SOOOOO UNSATISFYING. I WANTED ZUTARA TO BE CANON!!!

Kisame: ZOOOOOMG I AGREE WITH YOU SASO-CHAN. ZHEY ARE LIEK, SO MEANT FOR EACHOTHER. LIKE ITACHI-SAN AND HIS BRUHTHAR.

I CAN'T GO ANY FURTHER!!!

...*suicide*

You are running over them with monster trucks before beating them to death with frozen turkey carcasses.

But.

Sasori: Recently, Deidara.. I've found that maggots enjoy living inside my body. And I think it would be interesting if I kept a collection. If I keep working hard, perhaps one day I'll have my very own maggot army.

Kakuzu: I baked some apple pie, if anyone wants any. And there's herbal tea to go with that, you know? I thought we could all have a picnic outside today.

I MUST THINK LIKE YOU MORE OFTEN, MY FRIEND. NAKAMA!!!!!!

Yah, well you are running over them riding on rabid overweight dinosaurs who are wearing very sharp cleats. Those two scare me quite a lot. More than they should. *shudder* LET'S STOP ABUSING DANNA NOW, OKAYZ?

HOHO!! TOOOOOOOCHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Deidara: Danna? Can I confess something to you, un? ...Well, you see... Lately, I haven't been getting my usual thrill from my explosions. I just... don't feel excited when I blow people up. ...So, considering how that's like, my whole life... Can you teach me how to turn myself into a puppet, un?

(*chokes on air*)

Kakuzu: Golly, ELLE magazine was like, FABBOO this month, wasn't it? I feel INSPIRED. I am so totally going to like, redesign our cloaks! I WANT SOME RALPH LAUREN INSPIRED CLOTHING, BABE!! AND DOLCE AND GABANA!! ITALIAN INSPIRATION!! OMG I LOVE THEIR NEW PLAID LINE. (OHMYGAWSH I THINK I JUST BROKE MY NAIL FREAKING OUT!!)

(It gets worse and worse as time passes...)

Itachi: C'mon now, darling. That hairstyle just DOESN'T WORK for you. Try the other style. And no, it doesn't look like a chicken butt. Look closer, hun.

(I AM NOT MAKING FUN OF YOU, duckyloveexo!!!! I SWEAR BY MY TOENAILS!!!)

S'ALL FOR NOW FOLKS. I'VE ABUSED THEIR SANITY ENOUGH.

oh my gosh, Fai_re, those are some seriously scary things.

Pein: Guess what ya'll! I'm actually Naruto's biological father! And he got the add from me!

Konan: you know what? I'm getting really bored with Origami...I know! I'll learn how to chrochet! And what's with all this butterfly stuff? Hello people, they're moths! Duh!

Itachi: no emotions is sooo out of style these days! So from now on I'm gonna be happy!!!

Kisame: I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and gay!!!

Deidara: You know, when we were little, Gaara and I were the bestest of freinds! But when I became a criminal, and Gaara become an emo, we just kind of faded apart...ah well! Time to rekindle our freindship!! lalala!
(notice the lack of un's and hmm's)

Sasori: Red isn't the actual color of my hair! It's actually pink just like sakura-chans!

Tobi: I hate sweets! Get that lollipop out of my face!

Hidan: I have discovered the actual religion!! I'm now an officially a Christian!!!

Kakuzu (now also a christian): What's the point of having five hearts? You die whe God wants you to die *tears out four of his hearts*! I'm going to go give away all of my money to the poor children of the world!

Zetsu: Look at all my pretty flowers! I'm finally pollinating again! Yippee!!


*shudder* ugh... creepy...

It takes true skill to break my heart, but Hidan converting broke it in two. And Kakuzu and ELLE, oh gods.

You have mad skills. Both of you.

Sasori: Sakura-chan... I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVEEEEEE!!

Hidan: Wai-wait! I.. well........... you know. I- I don't li-like hurting p-p-people.

oh my god...Hidan...that's just deppressing

(OMG WERE ON AT THE SAME TIME COME TO THE CHATBOX YOU FOOLS LOL)

anikoku, you have mad skillz, too. I think I started to cry.

(I ELLE AND KAKUZU WILL FANGIRL OVER IT WITH ME SO HA.)

Kisame: I'm getting tired of blue hair, I'm going to die it orange!

*shudder* oh, the horror!

*wince* Talk about clashing colors.

Konan: Kakuzu, I disagree with you. ...VOGUE IS CLEARLY THE BEST FASHION MAGAZINE OUT THERE. I MEAN, HAVE YOU EVER READ IT? HAVE YOU EVER PICKED IT UP OFF A SHELF AND READ IT? IT IS AMAZING!! THE VERY THOUGHT EXCITES ME!!

Itachi: THAAA SIMPSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONSSSSSSSS.... *starts humming The Simpsons theme*

Sasori (no danna): You know who my favorite artist is? DO YOU? YOU DON'T? WELL IT'S (!!CENSORED!!) ON DEVIANTART! ISN'T SHE AMAZING? DO YOU KNOW HOW AMAZING SHE IS? DO YOU?

I rest my case. I AM insane.

yes, you are.

Itachi: spider pig, spider pig, does whatever a spider pig does! Can he swing, from a web? no he can't, becuase he's a pig!

Thank you. *sweeping theatre bow*

Itachi: Kisame, what's YOUR favorite animal? MINE IS SPIDER PIG. He's so HEROIC and AMAZING. AND I LOVE HIM!

Deidara: *wheezes* Sasssuuuukeeeee-kuuuuuuunnn.... Come heeeree.... *wiggles fingers and grins* I have a present for youuuu....

Konan: *pant pant pant* Ore no noruma wa owattendarou, un!

OK I DONE I GO POST IN MAH BLOOOOG.

Pein: Hidan! Let me borrow your hair gel! I wanna try a new look!

Fai_re, why do you always come up with really creepy ones?